16 Feb the Manton walk: pictures and words

Pictures by Tom Dolby and Simon Bradford. Commentary by A. Turnip.

Manton is a village south-west of Rutland Water. of which it has oft been said.  The population of the village at the 2001 census was 364.  But then something very curious happened, because the census data was changed to include Gunthorpe along with Manton and the number of people living in the environs then decreased.  The only explanation offered thus far is that a big hole appeared.  Archaeologists are looking into it.

Naturally, the affair caused considerable upset and dismay, and further experimentation was carried out to see if adding other hamlets to established census entries could also reduce the population, and it was found that no, only in Manton could this ever happen.  Thus each year a gathering takes place in Manton of the Dispossessed – those members of the population who feel they are, but…..

Indeed if one walks on a wild and windswept night one can see packs of people of olden times (you can tell they are from olden times from their flat caps which died out as a fashion item sometime around 1923), and their dogs.  They appear… they pass by, they vanish to be seen no more until another census is called.

It is of course because of this strange and rather disturbing background to the location that Ramblers are required to keep particularly close together for anyone drifing more than a few feet behind the group is liable to vanish into the censusorium as it is known… the black hole of Rutland which eats up passers by, proposes a new one way system for Oakham, and turns visitors into ichthyosaurs, which then roam the district, before taking a nap, at which moment archaeologists turn up and with no thought of human kindness cart the marine reptile and passers by, out of the county and off to places unknown where it can be  looked at (Rutlanders being considered by the historical community not very good at looking at things themselves.)

Of course, the problem with the ichthyosaur is that at 12 metres long it is actually bigger than Rutland, and so causes a logical conundrum.  But it has allowed a lot of overpaid editors to write the phrase “The largest and most complete ichthyosaur ever found in the UK has been unearthed in the nation’s smallest county.”  I mean, really.  They surely ought to be able to do better than that.

But as you can see from these fine and varied pictures from the walk, the walkers walked on, put off by neither path or railway, nor 180 million year old beasts and thus the walk was deemed a success.

It is possible that one or two technical details in these notes are not totally correct, but if that is the case the editor takes no responsibility.  On the other hand if you find this the most droll and indeed witty piece you have ever read on the subject of walking in Rutland, all donations are gratefully received.  A more reliable commentary upon this part of the countryside can be found here.