3 October 2024: The unravelling of the Great Folksworth Mystery. Part 1.
Photographs by Iver Kamera, commentary by Hardly Anyone.
In 1931 the parish of Folksworth had a population of 120. But the parish no longer exists, and so I was asked by the Department of Certain Things to investigate why the village green is in permanent shade, and then report back to the Department in Whitehall.
My work is of course is top secret, and so until now I have kept this matter to myself but as several members of our august ensemble have caught me taking photographs of what others might call “nothing particular” (see above) I thought it was time to come clean. But please, don’t tell anyone.
Such a gathering of people in a rural community of just 120 residents each approaching 900 years old, does ruffle the occasional feather. Thus heads are bowed contemplation is the order of the day.
Of course, it was necessary for our national flag to be raised and oaths to be taken, as I sought to explain that suspicions had grown for some time over the nature of Folksworth, given that the mere use of the term “folk” (a word associated primarily with singing with one hand over one’s ear) was highly suspicious.
Thus I must point out that Folksworth is listed in the Domesday Book in the Hundred of Normancross although it appears that the ultra-secretive Dept of Certain Things in Whitehall declared that as the annual rent of £4 had not been paid for 936 years then with cumulative interest over £235m was now due. As a result the village has left the UK.
It was at this point that I stepped in, and was forced to clean myself up.
Thus we marched in a forwardly direction in a thoroughly purposeful way, ready to strike out at any discord from veteran complainants which might present itself en route. The population of Folksworth was estimated in the Domesday Book at 77, and we were determined to find them all.
We knew that the tax raised in Folksworth in 1086 was five geld and I was determined to find them as well.
Now we also knew that on 1 April 1935 the parish of Folksworth was abolished, so I also wanted to find out where it had gone, hence my many pictures of the area. My suspicion is that multiple residents in ancient times were turned into trees, as can be seen in this picture.
As you can see the land before them is bare, in commemoration of what once was.
And finally I found was I was looking for. The secret location of the autocratic policy-making government of the East Midlands, of which it has been said.
Yes there it was, bold as brass, twice as white and no mistake.
Of course the governmental story that this is fact Folksworth village hall was too silly to be swallowed even by me, because I saw a lot of Folksworthians and they were all too tall to fit into.
There was of course much pointing and cheering and celebrating at this moment as our quest had been found and we were determined to take our reward.
There was even talk of media coverage of our discovery too, and discussions were held as to how much TV stations were willing to pay for interviews. I naturally offered to be chief negotiator.
The story continues…